Oh Beloved Community! (Some current thoughts on being part of a community of people)

I’ve been reflecting a lot about community and what the role of community is in my life.

I think I’m meant to be at Esperanza because of the community here. I know that honestly, when I came here, I didn’t think much of Esperanza’s claim on being a family; I could only focus on the jadedness I felt in all my memories of being part of Church communities, and hearing all of the horror stories. I would listen to the gossip and crazy jokes that are bound to happen in an office environment, and thought it as an affirmation of my cynicism -- that the community at Esperanza was just like everywhere else.

Of course, after being both a patient and volunteer here, my heart, has once again melted, as G-d so inevitably does if I find myself willing to conform to the call to love that he’s given each of us human beings.

This isn’t the first time that I’ve come into church communities with such jadedness. 

As much as I hate that I do this, I suppose that the beauty of coming in with low expectations is that you become pleasantly surprised. You become amazed really at how capable and beautiful we are.
Because there are people at Esperanza that have really truly come alive.

I see it in the lunch rooms when someone shares their story and their true heart with others and their hopes for Kensington.

I see it in the humble and ungrumbling behind-the-scene service of my co-workers who don‘t do “the glamours work“ of working with patients.

I see it the beaming and sunshine-like smiles of my supervisor, and I feel it in her hugs.

I hear it in affirming and truthful encouragements spilling out of the beautiful bilingual tongues here.

None of them are perfect. Trust me. None of them are.
And the reality is this, too: I’m not either.
None of us are. Squat.
Who am I to square in on the weaknesses of others, when I myself have every insecurity brimming in my soul and pouring out in the life-crushing actions I sometimes become slave to?

If we focus on the ugly, and remain in seeing in the ugly, all we will receive is the ugly, because that is all that we will perceive and see.

One of the beautiful things about grace is that it gives us the freedom to be honest with ourselves without condemnation. We can be honest about the fact that, we aren’t always what we need to be. In our hearts, each of us still wrestle with our feelings of unworthiness.

Grace gives me the courage to admit to myself that sometimes, I don’t treat or think well of my brothers and sisters, that often, I’m afraid of them and it‘s because of my insecurity. And Grace gives me the courage to move on. Grace gives me the ability to start again, to hope and to begin moving towards trust and love, a love that believes the best in others.

I truly think that community is important, because it is the place where we can confront our brokenness and begin to grow towards wholeness. Community is the place where G-d’s consuming and purifying fire can do it's work. I think that the body of Christ is to be a witness of true community for the world: a community that cares, that calls us to love others, ourselves and to seek G-d. A place where forgiveness happens.  A place where we can become whole. And so community is for the building up and loving of each human being. We are for each other, but, we are for the world, too.

I want to make a pact with myself, and this is the promise: that I will be an advocate for the Church. I want to fight for her. I want to fight for all communities, but especially the Church, this community that is supposed to be the witness of Christ’s love in the world. I want to make sure that I do what I can do to encourage communities, to be united in compassion and care for each other.

Who is part of your community?

Your community might be your family. It might be your  friends. It might be the co-workers that carry you through, or the woman at the Laundromat that you have heart to hearts with each week and lifts your soul.
Find your community.
And if you don’t have one. Start making one.
Reach out. I’m still trying to reach out. Reaching out can be the hard part, because it’s acknowledging that you need others.

I was reminded recently -- and will probably be again in the near future -- that it’s okay to need others. I get so freaked out at the idea of asking for help, that “I’ll start digging holes” to hide in and get stuck in. And I‘ll dig deeper and deeper until I can no longer stand the darkness and I panic. I’m reminded constantly that it’s okay to have needs, because the reality is, that we are all poor.

And so, it’s okay to need help. We need others. We need community. A single person isn’t going to complete us because none of us are perfect. But the good news is, each of us have strengths according the grace and goodness we have found in our lives, and so all have the ability to bless others and a place in community.

So go find your community. Find where you can give. And find where you can receive. Find where you can grow, love and be loved.

Who is part of your community?