Give Me Dreams-- A Path to Keep Following

          A song usually has the tendency to bring me back to the time when I first heard it or to return to a stage when it was at the height of its rotation in my life. Every once in a while, I’ll look at my iTunes library or my iTunes, wanting to listen, knowing that somewhere deep inside, I miss the sounds and the lyrics that motivated me and drove me and became the theme songs of the seasons that I lived and now have  been left behind.

          Today I finally got myself to bring up my music library, and I found myself willing to be surprised, (otherwise, I’d probably be stuck on David Wimbush and the Collection, a band which has been on high rotation ever sense I saw them play at the Wild Goose festival a few months back in the summer. Such a joyful noise!) so I selected the rotation icon on the bottom of the screen and pressed play.  The first song to play brought back upon me a flood of memories, bringing me back to a season where I found myself pondering over the possible adventures in store for me. The song was “Please Don’t Go” by Barcelona, one that I would find myself sticking on repeat and would leave me lying on floors or sitting in the shadows of a barely lit room, wondering what was to become of my life, reflecting on all of the people I’ve never met that I found myself excited to meet, the places that I would journey to and the landscapes I would etch into my memory, also entertaining the possibility of being mutually in love; the first time I believed that I began to purposely, not hopelessly, dream.

by Rachel Virginia (c) 2010

          And so here I am with Mission Year, on my day of rest, wondering what to write about for a blog post. I could write along the lines of the extensive list of topics and issues of which a lot of us here have been discussing and having conversations over. I could begin by describing some of my encounters. However, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. It still feels somewhat early in my journey. I‘ve yet to know what to make of all that I‘ve been learning. And I’m not sure if I know what yet to make of the new relationships that have fallen into my life.

           I’m not even sure what to make of the discoveries I’ve been making about myself.  But I think, if anything, I wanted to start by announcing that I’m here.
Somehow, with all the dreaming and wonder and hoping and turn of events which I could have never imagined happening over the past one or two years… I’m here.

          I realized that I’m here, and I don’t know exactly where “here” is. But, I think “here” is  this. Here is now. Here is me being in Philly, with Mission Year, with the people around me with all that’s going on within me. And I do find myself reflecting upon place quite a lot. I’ve been thinking about how I find myself thinking of the day I‘m in, and all the business going on around me. And yet, now that I’m “here”, I wonder, what is my dream, the vision for my life, here in this place?  I’d like to think of myself  as present, but, sometimes, when I look back, I wonder if a lot of the times I’m finding myself distracted, too. Distracted with all that I must do and get done, and maybe all of the distractions have become obstacles that have resulted in being a little blurred in terms of direction.

I am here, but what is my vision for here? 

I want to live in the present, but what is my dream now that I find myself in this time, in this place, with the people around me and with all that’s welling up within me? 

I find myself longing for the music again, theme songs for this season, songs for the “here” I find myself wanting cadences and swells that  understand the cry of my heart, and songs that know the adventure of living. When I was younger, in my room, listening to the songs that encouraged my imagination to dance, I had visions. And although I didn't know exactly where I was going, I knew that what was welling up in my heart, the hopes and dreams, that they were from my Father in Heaven, because I believe that G-d has us yearn for more, to desire greater things in our hearts-- if our hearts truly are wellsprings of life, if they truly are compasses that lead us home-- because He cares for us. Those visions give me the strength to bring myself  “here“..

And so, on this Sabbath, I am deciding that it is important to rest, to do what rejuvenates you, to find what makes you come alive again. For me, it’s the songs, the colors, the visions that create something in me that encourages me to propel forward and to believe in a better life and a better world. I want to make time for that. I want to make time to uncloud and learn about the unique vision placed within me for this time of my life, to have a path to run down further.